55 Candles, Countless Lessons

On Birthdays, Lessons, and the Gift of Getting Older

The older I get, the less interested I am in living the life I thought I should have, and the more committed I am to living one that feels true to me.

Yesterday, I turned 55.

When I was 25, 55 sounded old. At 35, I was busy raising two little girls, building my career, and trying to keep up with work, school, laundry, and all the things that filled our days.

Then, at 42, cancer entered the picture. And for a while, birthdays took on an entirely different meaning. It wasn’t getting older that scared me. It was the fear of possibly missing the birthdays that would come after.

They stopped being about getting older and became about getting another year.

And now I’m here. Turning 55. But it doesn’t feel old anymore. It feels like I have the gift of seeing life a little more clearly.

Over the years, life has been an incredible teacher. Some lessons arrived gently, others barged in uninvited, some took years to understand, while others changed me forever.

As I celebrate this birthday, I realize it’s not about the candles anymore… it’s about what I’ve learned along the way.

Here are a few lessons I hope I never forget:

Time really is our most valuable resource.

It’s easy to assume there will always be another weekend. Another vacation. Another phone call. Another chance to say I love you. But life has taught me otherwise. If someone you love wants to have lunch, go. If a friend asks you to take a walk, make the time. If you’ve been waiting for the perfect moment to take the trip, start the class, or heal the relationship — this might be it. Time is precious because it’s limited. Don’t wait to do whatever it is you want to do. Do it now.

Our relationships are our greatest accomplishments.

This past year, as I watched my daughter get married, I remember looking around the room before she walked down the aisle. The flowers were beautiful, and the music was lovely, but that’s not what I’ll remember. I’ll always remember seeing decades of friendships gathered in one room — people who have loved us through every season, who celebrated our happiest moments and carried us through the hardest ones. In that moment, I realized this was the life we’d been building all along. Not our careers or accomplishments or successes. Our relationships. Because in the end, it’s the people who walk beside us that make our lives rich.

Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful.

For someone who spent much of her life trying to get everything right, this one took me a while. Chasing perfection is exhausting, and life is too short for it. Life is messy, unpredictable, and sometimes heartbreaking. But that’s also where the beauty lives. It’s so much more fun when you stop trying to make it perfect and start choosing to notice what’s already good. The beauty is always there — you just have to open your eyes to see it.

Joy isn’t something we find. It’s something we create.

One of the biggest surprises of getting older is realizing that happiness rarely arrives with fireworks. It lives in the ordinary. A good cup of coffee. Fresh flowers on the table. Dinner with Jon on a random Tuesday. A fun conversation with my daughters. Laughing until my stomach hurts. Dancing the night away. The older I get, the more I understand that joy is something we get to create for ourselves.

And maybe my favorite lesson of all:

The first half of life is often about proving ourselves. The second half is about becoming ourselves.

At 55, I’ve stopped asking Am I good enough? and started asking What matters most to me? Life isn’t about becoming who the world wants me to be. It’s about having the courage to become who I want to be. For me, that means saying yes to writing, continuing to dream, and trusting my instincts. It means letting go of other people’s priorities and figuring out what works best for me. I believe my best chapters are still ahead of me, and I mean that.

Please know I certainly don’t have life all figured out.

I still overthink, I still make mistakes, and I still worry more than I’d like to admit.

But I’ve learned that wisdom isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about paying attention. Doing what matters to you. Having the courage to chase the dreams that scare you, and giving yourself permission to simply be yourself.

So this week, I’ll happily celebrate turning 55. I won’t count the candles — I’ll be counting the privilege of getting to blow them out.

From my heart to yours,
Dara

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